We've all faced moments of self-doubt, where a sense of inadequacy or an unsettling feeling of something missing creeps in. For most people, it’s a constant battle. The question is: how do we begin shifting this in a meaningful and lasting way?
In this blog, that’s exactly what we’re diving into: how to feel whole from within and tap into the energy of sufficiency so you can feel whole, at peace and complete as you are. From here, everything else just becomes icing on the cake ;)
This is something I used to really struggle with. No matter what I achieved, it never felt good enough. It was exhausting and painful. But through practicing what I’m sharing in this blog, I feel more whole, at peace and happy than I’ve ever been. I feel solid, grounded and secure from within; my peace and sense of self-worth is no longer dependent on what's going on outside of me. It’s the ultimate freedom and I’m so grateful to be able to share it with you.
It’s a sense of wholeness, completeness, enoughness, that “all is well”, that I’m “good no matter what”. There’s a knowing within you that your worth isn’t dependent on anything outside of you. You feel steady, grounded, secure and whole from within.
There’s not a feeling of inadequacy, not enoughness, lack, shame, that something is missing or “everything will be better when…”.
It’s a deep knowing and feeling that you are enough because you are.
The mind perceives the feeling of lack or not enoughness as there actually being something missing in you or wrong with you. The mind believes the story that if you could just achieve more, get the partner, make more money, lose weight, etc. then you’ll be enough and everything will be better.
So it convinces you to go out into the world to try to fill the “hole” with validation, approval, achievement, etc. But these external things never fill the “hole” because there was never a hole or anything missing to begin with, just the perception of it.
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There’s not actually something wrong with you; there’s just a FEELING and perception that there is. But this feeling isn’t the ultimate truth. It’s an illusion that just needs to be seen through.
Just like the sun never goes away; the clouds just seem to temporarily block it.
When we try to “fill” the feeling of lack with things outside of us, it just reinforces the feeling of lack. Most people know this conceptually, yet continue to chase wholeness externally because we wrongly attribute the absence of lack to the object and keep chasing the object.
But objects and things outside of us, only create a momentary, not lasting sense of peace and wholeness. How many times have you gotten “there”, the place your mind desperately needed to get and withheld your peace and sense of self-worth from you until you did, only to realize the feeling of wholeness only lasted about 5 minutes?
What we want more than the thing we think we want, is the sense of peace and wholeness we think the thing will bring. When we realize the thing is not actually what creates a lasting sense of peace and wholeness, we can stop looking outside for our happiness and turn inward, the only place it can be found.
From the place of feeling whole from within, we’re free. Our actions are no longer driven by reaction or seeking validation, approval or enoughness. Our actions can arise from a deeper place, our intuition, and these actions are always more effective, easeful and joyful.
We no longer NEED the external manifestations to feel good enough; they just become the icing on the cake.
We’ve all been conditioned to seek self-worth externally. Nothing is wrong with you for doing this AND, you don’t have to stay stuck feeling this way.
Here’s how you can begin releasing the feelings of lack so you can come back to your innate sense of peace and wholeness.
Notice when the feeling of not enoughness, inadequacy or “something is wrong with me” comes up. A good “tip off” to help you recognize when you’re feeling this way is when you sense there’s an urge in you to get a “hit” of approval or validation (when you want something outside of you to “tell” you you’re good enough before you’re willing to believe it).
For example, maybe you’re feeling an urge to ask your husband his thoughts on something because you’re secretly looking for his approval and validation. Or maybe you’re feeling an urge to post on Instagram because you're seeking likes to give you that approval or validation.
These can be really powerful indicators and moments of awareness to realize “Oh, I’m feeling lack right now. And my mind is wanting me to buy into the illusion that something outside of me will permanently fix this feeling.”
What most people do when they feel a sense of lack or inadequacy coming up, is repress it or react to it. This keeps the feeling stuck in the body and perpetuates situations that seem to keep confirming that we’re not good enough.
Instead, when we actually notice and FEEL the feelings arising, they can dissolve, allowing us to return to our natural state of peace and wholeness.
When you notice a sense of lack arising, do your best to pause and feel the feelings.
Is there a heaviness in your heart? Are you snapping at people for “no reason”? Is there a pit in your stomach? Does your jaw feel tense?
Locate the feeling in the body. Where is it? How big is it? What does it FEEL like? Is it heavy, tingly, jumpy, spiky, cloudy? Get a direct sense of how it feels and then stay with the feeling. Give more attention to the direct experience of the sensations in the body versus the stories your mind will be telling about the feeling.
Breathe through it and keep feeling it. As you stay with the feeling, you’ll notice it might move, get smaller and eventually dissolve. It will likely feel quite uncomfortable at first, but eventually you’ll reach a “turning point” where the emotion will begin to “unfreeze” and melt back into free flowing energy. Do your best to keep feeling it until you can’t feel it anymore. It will feel neutralized or complete once you’ve felt it fully.
This is a practice I use daily whenever any “negative” emotion is coming and it's deeply transformed my life. It takes a few minutes but shifts everything. And with this practice, comes and ever-increasing sense of peace, clarity and lightness.
Over time, the feeling of lack becomes less and less and the feeling of wholeness becomes more and more your regular state of being.
From this place of feeling whole from within, it’s so much easier to tune into your intuition and follow it.
You’ll naturally be guided to the actions that are going to be in your highest good and most effective, rather than reacting from the feeling of not enough, which just perpetuates feeling not enough.
This opens up a whole new world of possibilities and our outer reality can begin matching our new inner state.
These are the 3 keys of all the work I do with my clients.
But it can take practice and intentionality to create new patterns because those old feelings and stories can be very compelling. So if you’d like support with this, I’d be honored to work with you. You can learn more about working with me here.
7 simple daily practices to cultivate more alignment, inner peace and presence, starting today.