doing what you want even when you’re afraid how others will react

podcast Jun 14, 2021

Get ready because I get real and transparent AF in this episode. I recently had an experience in my life where I realized I was people pleasing and not listening to my desire because I was afraid of what other people would think or feel about it.

Is there something in your life or business that you know is aligned for you but you're not allowing yourself to do it because you're afraid of what others will think? Or do you not even know what the hell you want because it's so clouded with stories of what might happen or what other people might think?

This episode is about following what's aligned for you even when you're scared shitless about how other people will react. This could change the way you show up in your life and business forever - it did for me.


In this episode, you'll learn:

✧ How I let go of people pleasing and worrying about what others would think with a big life decision recently 
✧ How to know when it's your intuition guiding you versus your fears of what others will think guiding you  
✧ How to move through, process and act on an uncomfortable decision or boundary   
✧ What it means when you're justifying and rationalizing to yourself or others  
✧ How to follow what's aligned for you and handle any emotion or outcome that comes with it  
✧ How to be direct and loving at the same time without having to make excuses for your desires  


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Full Episode Transcript:

Hello, and welcome to the magnetical you podcast. I'm your host, Madison cert, I am a mindset energy coach here to help you feel your freaking best and manifest a life full of magic miracles and abundance. I know that whatever led you here did not happen by coincidence. So I am so excited and grateful to have you here. So let's let the magic begin. Hi, and welcome back to the magnetically your podcast, I am so grateful to have you here. Whether you are back again, or you are new here, I am just so happy to have you here and so grateful you're here. So today is going to be a freaking juicy episode because I'm talking about doing what you want. Well, you know, and your intuition is the right thing for you. Even when you're afraid of what other people will think even when you're afraid that other people will have emotions or reject you or freak out or think bad things about you or never speak to you again, for doing the things that you truly desire and you know, are best for you. So I'm going to tell a story about a really, really difficult decision I made recently that made me want to vomit. Just being honest. But that made me so much stronger. On the other side of it because I decided not to people please not to do what others wanted not to avoid what I actually wanted, because I was afraid of being rejected, like I did the uncomfortable, scary thing. And when you do that, you become the kind of person who has that level of standards and boundaries in your life, where I do what I want. Instead of Oh, I do what I want sometimes, but then when someone else is gonna think I'm a bad person, then I don't do it. I only do it sometimes then I'm people pleasing everybody. Like, that's not the vibe. So if there's somewhere in your life where you're avoiding doing what you want, or what you know, is best for you. Because you're afraid of what other people will think whether it's in your life or in your business or relationship, whatever, this is going to rock your world. It's so powerful. So the story, let's get into it. So I was unsure about who I wanted to be my bridesmaids for my wedding. It's next March. And I was in a lot of back and forth a lot of confusion. Who do I want? Who do I not want? What do I do? What do I not do? What are they gonna think? What are they not gonna think what and what about about about about about like, however, I'm gonna have this many people in Trevor's gonna have that many people and I can't have too many more people within him. But I want the people but I don't want to be well, but I don't know that, like so. So much in her confusion. And so I there's a group of friends that I've been friends with since college, and they're great, and I love them. And I went to one of their bridesmaids or bachelorette parties a few weeks ago. And I was like, Okay, this is going to give me clarity. If I want this whole group to come to my bachelorette party. If I go and I spend time with them fresh time with them. I'm around them all. It'll intuitively come to me, I'll know what I want to do after I spend time with them. So I was waiting, waiting waiting to go. And my sisters kept asking me like, we really need to nail down the dates. And I'm like, I know just wait like I'm going to go I think it'll give me more clarity around what I want to do dateline, and we had such a good time. It was so much fun. It was so good to reconnect with my friends. We had a fucking blast. I loved all of it. And we just had such a good time. So I came home and I said, Okay, well, we had so much fun. It was such a good time. That means I should invite them to my bachelorette party. So I acted impulsively on the high of it was like high off for the weekend. Have fun spending time with them high level of having so much fun and reconnecting with them. They acted impulsively. A couple days after I got back to asking everybody what dates worked for them for the for my bachelor party. On a side note when you rush when when it feels like there's an urgency to things when it feels like there's a rush to things. It's typically your ego coming in. It's typically not your intuition. Intuition feels oftentimes, like there might be I don't know, like a seriousness or an urgency to it. But it's not like a it's not frantic, like oh my god, okay, like texting, oh, we gotta get the date and detail down and just like do it before you change your mind. Like, no, does that sound like intuition and No, but I was caught up in the emotions and the confusion. So I acted impulsively and I didn't I didn't want to like sit with the knowing that I might want a smaller bachelorette party. I was like avoiding that and I couldn't see it clearly. So I ran from it and I acted off the high of just having spent time with them. And I was convincing and justifying to myself, you know, more people is more fun. And we've been friends for so long, and I love them. And we just had such a good time and I want everyone to feel included. And if I don't have them, then Am I gonna regret it? Am I gonna wish they were there? Am I going to feel like something is missing? Is it not going to be as fun? Are they gonna want to delete me from their things? Like, am I not going to be invited when everyone else is going to be invited to their things, you know, the whole thing. So I was just like convincing and justifying to myself like, Oh, yeah, like more people. It's more fun. I love them. We just had so much fun. I want everyone to be included. It's gonna be great. Another note about intuition. If you're convincing, whenever there's convincing and justifying, again, it's usually not your intuition. whenever it's frantic, urgent, need to do an hour. And the end, there's that feeling of like, Oh, well, you're like explaining to yourself, why you're doing it. When you notice yourself explaining to yourself why you're doing it, it's probably not your intuition. So I was like, if I include, this was like, under the surface, like, if I include everyone, then I don't have to make any hard decisions or do anything uncomfortable. Include Oh, just invite everybody. Then I don't have to worry about anyone rejecting me. I don't have to worry about anyone gossiping about me. I don't have to worry about the discomfort of having the conversation. It's the quote, easy way out. Right. So I continued after I had already texted them about the dates to remain in this back and forth. Should they come? Should they not? Who Chicago who should die? I don't know. Do I want 12 people? Do I want six people? I don't know. Oh my god, what do I want? UK? I don't know, I'm confused. Okay, so so back and forth about all the things the location where I wanted to do it, the dates, I wanted to do it, the people, so much confusion, so much resistance, and I was resisting what I knew deep down and I didn't have the clarity on it until later. And I'm gonna tell you like about what happened when the clarity came, but I was resisting it for several days. And then I got sick. I'm just now getting over being sick. I was sick for like 10 days. And like, looking back, it's so clear to me that like, the sickness was like my body's way of being like, okay, you're resisting. What you know, you actually want You're not listening. You're like fighting against yourself, like you're not willing to listen to your intuition. And maybe you'll listen to slow down and listen, if you're sick. So that's what I feel like happen. And I'm not saying you, you have to get sick every time to you need to have an epiphany or that every time you don't listen to yourself, you're going to get sick. I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying, this happened to me this time. And this is how I'm interpreting it. So I was like, pushing and pushing and pushing down what I actually wanted, I felt like I had no idea what I wanted. I couldn't even see it. Because there were so many stories and fears. And what if this happens, what if that happens, and like there were so many what ifs and stories like jumbled up together that I've literally had, I was so confused. I'm like, I have no idea what I want. It was like I was avoiding what I wanted, I didn't want to look at it. I didn't want to see it because it was gonna be uncomfortable. So I went like so far out of alignment, and into people pleasing and into acting from fear of rejection that finally and I got sick. Finally, the truth started to sink in. I've clarity started to sink in. And what I realized is that I just want my bridesmaids and bachelor party to be my sisters and a couple friends and not 12 people. I just wanted to be like, you know, like the five people. That was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm like, why did I have to go through all of that to become aware of what I actually want to do? Shit. And why did I already send them the options? What is wrong with me? Why did I do that? Why did I act impulsively? how fucked up is that if I change my mind now. So I had to sit, I had to sit with the truth. So it was what I already did sit with how I went against my alignment and what and wasn't listening wasn't willing to see my truth. So then the question became, okay, do I follow what I know my intuition is telling me to do? Or do I go against it? Because I don't want to hurt their feelings and like change my mind on them. And like I already, you know, ask them what dates they're available. So I grappled with that for like a day. I'm like, do I follow? Do I follow my truth? Or do I not? What do I do? Because it didn't I mean, it's not it's not super an integrity for me to be asking them about the data and then to go back on it like that did not feel good. I had to sit with the fact that like I I put myself in this position, and it's okay, I forgive myself, but here I am. The decision now is what do I do? You know, what's more, what's the most an integrity decision I can make? Now I can't change the past. I forgive myself for the past. So what's almost an integrity decision I can make now. So, as I was like sitting with this for a day, because again, I did not want to act impulsively, again, so I'm gonna, like I was like, I'm, I feel like I know, I feel like I know and my intuition I know and my truth that I'm gonna just gonna have to tell them that it's just going to be this small group. So I was like, I'm gonna give myself at least 24 hours before acting on it so that I can make sure I still feel the same way about it tomorrow. So as I'm like, sitting with it, I'm letting I let myself go through the worst case scenarios that I was not that I had been avoiding and not facing and like, okay, worst case scenario, I'm exiled from the group, we've been like a group of friends since college, and we, you know, do trips together. And we did lots of things in college together and lots of things with this group. I was like, okay, they're going to exile me, I'm going to be exiled from the group, I'm going to be canceled. And nobody's going to be my, none of them are going to be my friends anymore. Or they're going to like say things about me, they're going to talk about me, they're going to be like, you starting a group text without me? Or they're going to ghost me, they're just never going to reply, and we're never going to talk again. Are they going to think that I think I'm better than them? Are they going to think I don't value our friendships? Like, I just let myself feel at all? Like, fuck those Get up. And that could happen. Oh my gosh, oh, my gosh, just letting myself like actually see it actually have awareness over actually feel what I was feeling actually feel the VR actually feel the reduction. And I also let myself you know, feel well, what if? What if they're excited that they don't have to buy a dress, and they don't have to do all these activities, and they just get to show up at the wedding and have a good time with me? And what if they're completely understanding that could happen to. So I realized that the worst thing that could happen is an emotion. And that I can handle it. These are all the things that my brain has come up with that could happen, there's probably more than my brain couldn't come up with. But this is all the things I could come up with. And the worst case from all of them is just an emotion and I can handle it. It's all okay, and I can handle it all. This is one of my mantras recently, what if it's all okay? And I'm okay with it all, what if it's all okay? And I'm okay with it all. So I decided, whatever happens, it's okay. And I can handle it, I can handle it, I can handle it, I can handle it. So that knowing that whatever happens, I can handle it. I'm willing to deal with it. I'm willing to feel it, whatever comes up, that freed me to make the decision I wanted. Because I was no longer clouded by an inability to feel a potential emotion, right. So I knew what I had to do. Because I was like, if I don't follow my truth here, where else in my life will I do this and allow this to continue. I was like this, this has to stop here. This is big, this is big. I can't do this to myself, I can't set this example for my clients to go against what they know they want because they're afraid of what other people are going to think of them. I'm like, this stops here. This stops here. I'm done with this. This is done. I stand to my personal power. And I follow what I know, in my soul is right for me, even if it means being rejected or other people potentially having negative emotions. That was my vibe. And I knew this decision would it was big it would it would change me forever. And it you know, it's kind of like sounds like silly and simple. Like, oh, it's just a bachelor party. It's just a wedding. And yeah, of course like that part of it. Yeah, it's does it really matter? No. But the decision to honor my truth, my intuition to to do the uncomfortable thing that I knew I had to do like that a decision that that powerful will change you forever. It will change how I coach my clients having embodied this on another level, it will change how I show up in all of my relationships, it will change my relationship with myself like, I've got to, I've got to listen to my my intuition. I've got to listen to my truth. I got it, I can do it. Now I'm like, dammit, dammit. Why do I have to? Why do I have to be? So in tune with my intuition of truth? Am I you know, I'm like, Oh, man. Here we go. So I drafted a text full of explaining full of justifying, I was like, Oh, yeah, like, you know, my sister's schedule wasn't aligned or like Trevor didn't have that many people. So like, I couldn't have that many people, which like, all those things are true. However, by just by including in the textbook, just justifying and explaining myself and like, justifying why it was just going to be a small group. I was avoiding responsibility. I was avoiding rejection. I was avoiding voiding, allowing them to have their own thoughts and emotions about it. So I was like, Okay, I can take full ownership of this decision. I saw I saw that I was justifying. I'm like, this is my first draft and it's okay, I got it on. I put it in a note in my phone. I'm like, I got it out there. I've made that decision. I've begun the process. I'm taking action on it like the ball is moving You know, that's, that's, that's a good thing. And I was like, Okay, I see that I'm justifying, I can't bring myself to remove the justification and explain myself quite yet. So I'm going to let this draft to be good enough for tonight and move on, and then re look at it tomorrow with fresh eyes and see how I feel about that. So look at it the next morning and I rewrote it, I removed all the justification and it just said, like, you know, something like, Hey, guys, I've decided I just, you know, want my sisters and a couple friends at the bachelorette party and keep it really low key. Love you guys. That no explaining no justifying. Here's my decision. I love you. Right, like you can set a boundary you can make a decision, out of love out of respect. And I love these friends. Like there's so fun, we have such a great time. together. It's almost something that like, I can't explain. I'm like, I don't know something. And he is just saying just do. This small group, like a lot of people like, just sounds like a lot to me. And that's my, that's me being honest. And I love them and I can't wait for them to come to the wedding and we're gonna have a great fucking time and it's, it's gonna be wonderful. And everybody's gonna be okay. So I rewrote it without the justification. And I had a racing heart stomach ache, I like literally thought I was gonna I felt like I was like, gonna have a panic attack or die. I'm like, Oh, my God, this is terrible. Why do I have to do this, obviously, I don't have to, I'm choosing to I'm choosing to because I'm not someone who people places I stand in my power, I follow my intuition. That's who I am. And I'm gonna fucking embody that right now. Even if it makes me so uncomfortable. So what I did was before hitting send, I didn't want to hit send from these really intense emotions, I wanted to feel a little bit more neutral and grounded in the decision, and more in my, in my personal power and my groundedness in my decision when I hit send. So before hitting send, I lay down, and I did this thing that we do in my inner voice sessions. It's called a beanbag release. Basically, it's like when emotions and sensations come up in our body, they're typically coming up to come out. And so that's what we do in the inner voice sessions as we release those emotional beanbags. So I did that with myself, and allowed the feelings to all be there. Just breathe into them, allow them to come up and just breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe until they disappeared, it dissipated. And then before also sending I journaled on what I was going to do after, because I'm like, it would be very easy for me to send this and then freak out and check my texts all day, did they respond? What did they say? Did they respond? What did they say? Oh, my God, are they gonna do that? So I said, I'm not going to be a stalker. I'm not going to be stalking my tags. I'm not going to be obsessing. I'm going to, I don't know, maybe it will record a podcast or other things I had wanted to do today. I was like, I'm not spending my day, obsessing. I'm spending my day leading myself forward in the way that I want to leave myself. So then I felt like, Okay, I have processed the feelings. And that's all that was right. I was already feeling the emotions beforehand of what I thought I was going to feel afterwards. And if I could work through it beforehand, then I know I could work through it after you know, this is completely all about emotional intelligence, being willing and able to handle any and all emotions, knowing they're all okay, not making the bad or wrong, or needing to run away from them or get rid of them. Just allowing yourself to feel them and knowing it's okay, knowing it's going going to pass knowing it on the other side of allowing yourself to actually feel what's coming up is more strength, more freedom, more personal power. So I set the text. I was like, Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I felt like I was gonna have a panic attack. I was like, fuck what I've What have I just done. But I also knew, I'm like this, this is what I needed to do. And I did it. I'm proud of myself. I did it. And I felt more free, more in my power more confident, more relieved. I'm just like, felt like an exhale, like my shoulders could release. Like, I finally did the thing I knew all along, but I wasn't willing to see. So guess what? They were completely understanding and supportive. Because they're great people, great friends. And I was so surprised because I thought I really my brain had really convinced me some crazy shit was gonna happen. And it was fine. Everything was fine. They were like, Oh my gosh, it's your day. We can't wait to celebrate you. Like we totally support you and honor you love you like, of course do it's your day, do what you want to do. And I was like, Oh, wait, people are okay with me doing what I want to do. Like what? And I was so surprised. And I told my coach, I'm like, I'm so surprised. I was so surprised. I just was not expecting such a easy response. I did it and it was everybody reacted fine. And then it was done and we all moved on. I was not expecting that. And she was like that's so interesting. Because it sounds like the underlying belief was that boundaries that your boundaries and decisions are not respected and that you have to fight for them as like, damn. How powerful is that? We think we're gonna have to like fight for our boundaries fight for decisions. But what if we don't? What if we just get to set it? What if we just get to make the decision set the boundary. And if we respect our own boundaries, others respect it. And if they don't, we can handle it. So, to recap, here's what I learned. Here is what I learned from this and how if like, whatever is going on in your life, where you're not allowing yourself to do what you actually want to do, or you're feeling really confused about addition decision, should I do this? Should I do that? I don't know. And it feels all wrapped up in like what other people are going to think and what if this happens, what if that happens, like and you can't even see what you want? Here's what to look at, follow what's aligned for you decide in advance that you could handle any outcome and any emotion that may come that will free you to have more clarity around the decision? And knowing that on the other side of following what's aligned for you is more personal power, more trust more magic, more freedom? If it's not a hell yes. It's a hell no. If it's not a hell yes. It's a hell no. You don't need to live your life with like, Oh, well. I can I'm kind of okay with or like, no, if it's not a hell yes. It's a hell no. So as far as intuition goes, like, well, what is actually my intuition? How do I know if this is my intuition? Or is this like my fear of reduction? Like, how do I know the two things that kind of like came through in this experience for me is like, and I've learned this many times with intuition, urgency and franticness. Like, oh, I gotta do this now got to work on this now like, frantic is typically not intuition. Also, when you're explaining and justifying yourself, oh, yeah, like my, my sisters didn't work out. And Trevor's only gonna have 60 bulls. So I can only have six people on Baba Baba. When you're explaining which is fine. It's typically not intuition. What's feeling like? Is there anything feeling frantic and urgent about it? And where are you justifying and explaining, okay, with boundaries with decisions with doing things that you know, you want that you think other people might not react well to. You can be direct and loving at the same time, and you do not have to explain yourself, you don't have to make excuses for what you desire. You don't have to make excuses for following your intuition not to make excuses for falling, what's aligned for you, you're allowed to do what you want. You're allowed to be selfish. It's better for everybody when you are, and you don't have to fight for your boundaries. You get to decide when I put up boundaries, they're respected and accepted. When I put up boundaries, they're respected and accepted. And then the last thing is, if you're relating this back to, you know, something that's going on in your life or in your business, you know, just just think about like, where in your life are you not allowing yourself to do what you desire, because you're afraid of what someone will think or afraid of other people having emotions about it, like, let yourself decide that you can handle any emotions about it. If you're feeling emotions about it in your body right now. Go lay down, go, breathe, go. Just be with those feelings and breathe. You can do it, whatever it is, whatever decision that you've been sitting on that you're afraid, afraid to make, because of what other people will think. You can do it, you can handle it and what might happen if you do it, what might be on the other side waiting for you. What might open up for you if you allow yourself to listen to your desire in this one area of your life? What will that open up for you in the other areas of your life? So that is all I hope this episode was helpful. It was such a freaking powerful, up leveling moment for me. And I just yeah, just continue to feel like as I continue to, like more deeply honor my intuition and inner voice, I just see it like, oh, it gets to work for me, it always works out better than I could have expected. When you follow your intuition, it always works out better than you could have expected. It really, really does. And I'm seeing this more and more since you know, doing inner voice sessions, doing that with my clients and for myself like it's so so so beyond powerful to really honor what's your intuition is telling you and to be able to like hear that and act on that and trust not trust that your desires are always right. trust your intuition always leads you somewhere better than you could have expected it is beyond beyond beyond powerful. So that is all if you really enjoyed this episode. I would love it. You shared it with someone who you think if I help or share it on Instagram and tag me at magnetically you or send me a message about what came up for you what powerful decision that you're going to make for you. I would love to like yeah, be your hype girl and celebrate you and yeah, give you a little confirmation not like you can do it. You fucking got this. I'm here for you. So thank you so much for listening. And I will see you on the next episode. Thank you so much for listening to the magnetically your podcast. If this episode serve, do I ask that you share with someone who could make a difference for or share it on social media and tag me magnetically you make sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss any of the magic. And it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review on iTunes. Thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart for being here. And I will see you in the next episode.

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