You don't have to water yourself down to avoid triggering other people (plus 100th episode GIVEAWAY!)

podcast Oct 11, 2021

AI recently received an email from someone who was triggered by me sharing my sexual trauma story. Naturally, I started to feel triggered too. In this episode I'm sharing how I worked through it and the powerful lessons that came from navigating this situation in a way that felt really empowering and authentic for me.


In this episode, you'll learn:

✧ How I navigated receiving an email that triggered me

✧ The lessons that came through navigating this situation

✧ Why it's important to process your emotions tied to being triggered before reacting

✧Why you don't have to water yourself down to avoid triggering other people

✧ Why other people's emotions are not your responsibility

✧ Why I don't use trigger warnings

✧ How to turn your triggers into portals for expansion

✧ Why I refuse to dim my truth to "save" other people from the potential for negative emotions


I'm doing a special giveaway to celebrate 100 episodes of the podcast, 23,400 downloads and to thank you for being here!! One person will win a free coaching session or inner voice session with me. To enter, you can either:

  1. Share my podcast on your instagram stories and tag me @magneticallyyou. Then message me letting me know this is your entry the 100th episode giveaway.
  2. Leave a review for the podcast on iTunes and before you hit submit, screenshot it and email it to me at [email protected]. Then hit submit.

If you do both, you'll get 2 entries :) Make sure to enter by October 19th at 10pm EST.


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Full Episode Transcript:

Hello and welcome to the magnetical you podcast. I'm your host Madison cert, I am a mindset energy coach here to help you feel your freaking best and manifest a life full of magic miracles and abundance. I know that whatever led you here did not happen by coincidence. So I am so excited and grateful to have you here. So let's let the magic begin. Hi, and welcome back to the magnetically you podcast episode, one freaking 100. I like almost can't believe that it's already been 100 episodes. And we're at 23,400 downloads since I started the podcast last year. So I'm just blown away and so grateful and so excited for you being here. So excited for what's coming. So excited and grateful about it all. So I wanted to do a little celebration and giveaway with you in honor of this being the 100 100 podcast episode. So there's going to be one winner of a free coaching session with me or an inner voice session and you need to enter in order to be entered you need to enter the giveaway and I'll tell you how to enter by October 19. So we'll say end of day, October 19 10 o'clock eastern time if we want to get really granular and to enter all you need to do is either your two ways to enter and if you enter both, you'll get two in both ways you'll get to entry so you can share my podcast on Instagram and tag me at magnetically you. So you can create your own story and share about it and tag me or you can screenshot this episode or another episode or however you want to do it and tag me on Instagram magnetically you. The second way to enter is to leave a review on iTunes and right before you hit Submit screenshot it submit it and then email me that's the screenshot of your review to Hello at magnetically and that's how I'll know that you entered the giveaway. So again, to enter leave the review or share about my podcast on Instagram I magnetically you if you do both you get multiple entries. And then I will choose a winner on the it'll end October 19 at 10pm Eastern I'll choose a winner on the 20th I'll let you know and if you win you will get either you'll get to choose between a free coaching session with me or an inner voice session and yeah, it's gonna be freakin awesome and I'm so excited for who for whoever wins the giveaway so make sure to enter if you're wanting to win the free coaching session. Okay, so with that being said, let's get into today's episode so is this is going to be all about really why you don't have to water yourself down to avoid triggering other people how to handle it when you trigger other people how to handle it when you're triggered how to handle it when you're triggered because you trigger someone else like the whole the whole thing and yes it's very meta when you like so it's I'll tell my little meta story. So after I just recently as you know from the last episode, if you listened, shared my story about my own sexual trauma and how I navigated through that and what that was like for me and just kind of like came out with my story because it was fucking time and there's just so much that's been swept under the rug in terms of this going on for generations and my family and I'm just at a point where I'm like this needs to be shared this needs to be talked about this needs to be put out in the open like I can't not share my story because so many women need to hear this. And men to so many people need to hear this. And frankly, I don't give a fuck because I'm like it needs to be shared. It needs to be talked about and it's my truth it feels in alignment and I know that I am helping so many people by sharing my story I'm going to help so many people to come so anyways I received a message after sharing that story telling me you know I should be using trigger warnings because not Everyone has worked through their trauma, or is ready to look at it. And at first, I was very triggered by this person who was triggered by me. And I doubted myself for a second. I'm like, Oh my gosh, have I have I done something wrong? Am I am I hurting people? Like, should I not be doing this? should I? Should I change the way I'm saying it, I'm doing it. And then I realized, like, Hmm, this sounds like this is just an emotional reaction, and that none of this is actually my truth. So let me feel what I'm feeling and what I was feeling, what's this, like anxiousness and tightness in my chest, and so I decided to breathe, and exhale. And just sit with it and feel into it feel in my body, like close my eyes and go into those places in my body, where I felt these emotional reactions from Me, me being triggered from triggering someone else coming up and just sat with it and felt it and allowed all the emotions to bubble up to be there, and to process and integrate into release, and to allow my body to return to this more neutral, grounded place. And so as I as I did all of that, and processed it and allowed myself to feel it, and just kind of like, look at with curiosity, like, the thoughts that were coming up the doubt that was coming up the, you know, like, oh, like, should I reply? Should I no reply coming up, and then you know, so you're processing emotions, it was a very clear, there's no reason to respond at all. So I'm not going to respond to that message and engage in that conversation. And like, that gets to be, you know, my empowered choice, as well. And I'm sharing this episode, because I want you to know, like, you get to make the empowered choices for you, as well, regardless of how other people think and feel about it. Like it's not our job to manage other people's emotions, like sorry, not sorry. So anyways, as I navigated this whole situation, very quickly, which was really, really cool, because I think, in the past, you know, old versions of me may have responded trying to defend myself and convinced the other person of my belief systems, like, I don't have time for that shit, like, it's not my job to convince you, like, you need to, everyone can do their own processing about whatever they need to process, right? I did my processing, whatever processing anyone else needs to do. Is their own business, not mine. So old me maybe would have responded in a convincing way, or held on to it for days or weeks, or, or, oh, my God, should I have done that? And what do I do? And instead, I was just like, Okay, I see the trigger, I'm aware, this is a human response, it's all good. And I'm going to feel that I allowed myself to feel it all process at all. And then on the other side, so many lessons came through. And that's what I want to share with you. And this episode is all the lessons that came through navigating this situation. And yeah, it was really just so powerful to be able to like, process it and move through it and receive the lessons like so quickly, and like, that's the fucking beauty of being triggered. And the more you're willing to look at it, process it and receive the lessons from it, the faster you can receive the lessons, the faster you can move through it next time. And on the other side of allowing yourself to process it and receive the lessons, you become a stronger, more powerful version of yourself more in integrity and in alignment with your truth. So anyways, the lessons that came through navigating this situation. The first thing is, yeah, it was just such a good reminder to really process what triggered you before reacting, right? Like I didn't immediately react by responding with a convincing email I didn't react by I don't know going and doing something else that wouldn't have maybe been an alignment, I sat with it. And I allowed myself to have awareness over it without needing to react to the emotions in my body. And it's funny because the email that this was in response to was about that very idea of really emotional intelligence when you are able to have emotions in your body but not react to them and obey them right? It's just oftentimes it's old, old programming in your body coming up to come out and it's not coming up to dictate what you do and oftentimes we obey that and then we react and then we get in like self sabotaging situation. shins are in situations where we're avoiding our own triggers and then projecting them on to other people. So process, allow yourself to process before reacting. And the funny thing is is like once you process it, there will be no need to react. It doesn't mean there will be no action. But it won't be a reaction. Right, you will be acting from an entirely different place of solidity and groundedness and empowerment, rather than reacting from from the trigger. So the next one is that you don't have to water yourself down to avoid triggering other people. It would have been so easy to be like, Oh my god, yep, she she's right. I'm triggering people, this is bad. I need to put trigger warnings. And I should just stop telling my story because I'm going to, I'm going to make other people uncomfortable, and I'm going to scare them, and I'm going to hurt them and they might have to look at their own fucking shit. So I should just water myself down and hide myself and dim myself. Fuck that. Literally Fuck that. So you don't have to water yourself down to avoid triggering other people. You're allowed to be the real you and share what you feel called to share. And, like sorry, not sorry. But other people's emotional responses to your truth are not your responsibility. And this has been a freakin hard lesson for me to learn this year. And as I've really been growing in my own emotional intelligence, it is so ingrained in us and conditioned us to be people pleasers, and constantly tiptoeing around other people's needs, and oh my god, what are they going to think? What are they going to need? How are they going to react to how is this going to make them feel, and completely disregarding our own truth, our own alignment, our own feelings, and we cannot fix someone else's emotions. They're not ours to fix, or change, or make different, like other people's emotional responses to our truth or not our responsibility, other people's emotions are not our responsibility. And there was something else I was gonna say. But now I'm forgetting it'll, it'll come back to me. So here's what I think about trigger warnings. And maybe this will trigger you. And that's cool. And maybe you agree or disagree. And like, that doesn't really matter. Because this is what I feel called to share. So I'm going to share it and I think I want to invite you, and hopefully, through sharing this give you permission to share what you feel called to share, regardless of how other people are going to react to it, or feel about it or think about it. So I think I think the thing with trigger warnings, like what came up for me is that like, it assumes there's so many like assumptions, it assumes that you're responsible for other people's emotions, which as I said, I don't believe that that's our responsibility, right? Like we're all responsible for our own emotions. It also assumes that people are so disempowered and can't think and act for themselves. Like, oh, like sorry, like, just warning you, I might be too much for you. And I assume I assume that you're incapable of handling your own shit. So I'm going to have to give you a warning because like, I don't believe that you're empowered enough to like handle your own shit. So I have to like warn you and tiptoe around you like, no, I'm sorry, but no, like that is not that is not empowered to me. And that doesn't feel in alignment. For me, that doesn't feel correct to me. And I honestly think that's a huge part of the problem is that like, honestly, yeah, it's like so much the Deming, Deming people for for sharing their truth and making people out to be too much and no, I have refused to water myself. And it also there's an assumption in it that negative emotions need to be avoided, like, Oh my god, like some kid got to give them a trigger warning in case they feel a negative emotion because God forgets someone feels a negative emotion that that's really bad and scary. Okay, negative emotions are part of being human. They are not bad, they're not wrong. And I'm operating from that place that I know that negative emotions are not bad. I know that we're capable of feeling that moving through them, and that when they're coming up, they're coming up to come out. And there's usually lessons with them if we're willing to feel it and look at it. So why would we, why take the route of avoidance, tiptoeing around shit? Like, no, I'm not available for that. And I'm also not available to assume that other people are so disempowered that aren't that it's my responsibility to give them a warning before they can read my stuff that I need to save them. Because I'm so, so late and done that I need to save them from themselves because they're so disempowered like no, the way I speak to people and believe in people is that They are empowered that we are all empowered that we are all capable of handling our own shit. And I trust others to do what is right for them and I trust me to do what is right for me. So I don't mean to be all up in other people's business trying to control what they do or think or feel that is their business, not mine. And also what what came up is that triggers are really expansion portals. It's a portal to expand it's a portal to grow it is a good thing. Like avoiding triggers is really just avoiding the growth and like the the amazing transformation that gets to come on the other side of working through a trigger. Like when you're triggered, it's because there's something within you right? Like there's a story in your brain that is in alignment with your that isn't in alignment with your truth. And the triggers are so beautiful, because they show us where we are believing lies that are not in alignment with our truth. So this was just you know, one one small example of a trigger but like liquid, it allowed liquid it like liquid it did for me and look what it's doing. For other people, like I learned so many lessons, I was able to expand my ability to process and feel emotions, I was able to expand my personal power. And now I get to help you do the same. So I'm so glad I'm so glad I was triggered. And I am so glad that I triggered someone else. And I hope they can find their own expansion in it too. And I know that my story in my truth has already helped so many people, and it's going to continue helping so many people. And I refuse, literally, and I'm saying this strongly because it feels so important for me to say this. And to hopefully give you the permission to step into this for yourself, I fucking refuse to den my truth and who I am to save someone else from the potential of feeling a negative emotion, I refuse to deny truth and who I am. Because I'm afraid of what other people will think or that they're going to be, they're going to be triggered. I refuse to assume responsibility for other people's emotions, everything. Literally everything in anything could be a trigger for anyone. So it's like, oh, should we all just every time before we talk, we should say trigger warning, and every thing and everywhere in the world, every magazine, every book, every, everything everywhere should say trigger warning everywhere and no, it's all fucking triggers it all is doesn't mean we have to be like, ah, triggers everywhere, like, no, I'm sorry. But like, that's not, that is not my vibe. And you know, I know that even the people, like I feel so free and sharing my truth because I've done a lot of work and feeling so free and confident and sharing. And I know because of working through my own triggers that I know the ones who do get triggered, it's good for them to get and they will expand because of it. Even if they don't like me, I don't care, even if it like hurts them in the in the short term. If they allow it to hurt them, right? It's not that I'm hurting people, it's they're choosing to be hurt. Again, not my responsibility, but I know that there's expansion for me, and being triggered, there's expansion for me, and you're hearing other people and there's expansion, there's so much expansion for other people, and all of us and being triggered. So, I hope this gave you some food for thought about navigating, you know, any any triggers in in your own life. And, you know, really kind of the way I kind of see triggers is, you know, it's like it's emotional coding in the body. Or what just lively calls emotional beanbags, or by Eckhart Tolle, he calls the pain body. So it's emotional coding in the body where we have like, say that like imagine if you had like a thorn stuck in your arm, and someone walks by and bumps up against your thorn. You want to react right? and be like, Oh, you just bumped into my thorn, like that hurts so much. When you can process the emotion, which is basically taking that Thorn out, right? Like feel it, allow it process it, you take the thorn out, so if some were to bump up against that thorn in that same spot, it wouldn't have the same charge and emotional weight to it. So the trigger is literally the portal to fucking removing the thorn. And how beautiful is that? Because when you no longer have to react based on that old emotional coding and programming, infinite possibilities and freedom and personal power and self trust opens up for you on another freakin level. So I will leave it there. Thank you so much for listening. I am so excited for you to enter the giveaway. And I also wanted to let you guys know that I do have spaces open right now in my private coaching program so if you're interested in working with me, you can send me a DM on Instagram. At magnetically you if you want to have like a more in depth conversation about it with me, you can book a free consult, the link should be in the show notes. I have a few spaces open right now. And I'd love to have you. My coaching is really for women ready to live from their truth, live in their authenticity live from their inner voice, because when you do, it's like the amount of freedom and personal power you get to feel is unbelievable. And from that place of living in authentic alignment with your desires and intuition and who you are. It's like you can't help but attract the people places things abundance, Joy opportunities that are meant for you, because it's who you freaking are. So if you're ready to step into your next level of self trust of personal power of following your intuition, of joy of abundance of living your absolute best life at your highest potential, then this is for you. So reach out if you're interested in that and yeah, also I don't know if I've mentioned this on the podcast before so I'm going to say here maybe I did. So with ritual Queen now which is my you know, on demand library of energy healing rituals like meditation, hypnosis, tapping, visualization, all of these rituals really designed to get you out of the head and into the body and do that emotional like processing right like that processing of that emotional coding though taking the thorns out of the body so that you can act in true alignment with your intuition and the truth of who you are. That's really what these rituals are designed to help you do and honestly what basically everything I'm here to share is here to help you do But anyways, I have started doing live rituals every other Wednesday for the members in ritual Queen so it's really fun it's really powerful the last one was amazing and I got such good feedback so when you join ritual Queen now you'll get to join us live for those rituals and get access to all the recordings and the library of all the other rituals and the amazing thing is there's a free seven day trial so you can literally go get access to all the rituals and check it out for seven full days see if it's an alignment for you and then you can decide to continue or not but if you continue on it's only $11.11 a month so it is a freakin steal. And yeah it's just it's so good I use ritual Queen probably like four times a week myself and I just love it so much and yes so many so many of you have been joining recently and I love it and it's just been so fun to how much you guys are loving it it makes me so happy so if you want to do the free seven day trial go to magnetically slash ritual Queen but that is all for this week. If you enjoyed this episode, please screenshot it share it on Instagram tag me I would absolutely love to hear from you and celebrate you and reshare it and I actually was just thinking so if you're entering the giveaway by sharing a screen by like sharing about the podcast also send me a DM saying this is my entry for the giveaway the 100 100 100th episode giveaway because otherwise I won't know if you're just sharing it to share or your if you're sharing it to enter the giveaway. I just realized that so I'll have have my system put that explain that clearly in the show notes just in case anyone tried to enter from the beginning but didn't hear the end of this episode. So yeah, Anyways, thank you for listening. I'm so grateful to have you here. And yeah, I'm excited for hopefully another 100 episodes to come. Thank you so much for listening to the magnetical your podcast. If this episode served you I ask that you share with someone who could make a difference for or share it on social media and tag me at magnetically you. Make sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss any of the magic. And it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review on iTunes. Thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart for being here and I will see you in the next episode. 

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