how i overcame chronic anxiety

podcast May 17, 2020

I realized how bad my anxiety was New Year's Eve 2016. Trevor and I were in Asheville to celebrate the new year...

We were at dinner and my anxiety started escalating...the idea of going to celebrate New Year's at a bar afterwards wasn't even an option in my mind - I needed to get home and lay down because I truly felt like I was going to die. So that’s what we did.

That night was when I realized how much my anxiety was affecting my life - I knew I was going to lose Trevor if it continued that way. And I desperately wanted to feel better - I just didn't know how.

Fast forward to today and I've COMPLETELY healed the chronic anxiety I had. I can hardly believe it...I thought it was something that I'd be "stuck" with forever but I'm finally free. And trust me, if I can go from being anxious 100% of the time to now only like 1% of the time, you can too!

And I'm sharing all about how I did it in this episode. If you or someone you know struggles with anxiety, hit the play button right now!

In this episode, you'll learn:

✧ My anxiety journey and how I went from having anxiety 100% of the time to like 1% of the time
✧  What happened when my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum because of my anxiety and how it was actually the best thing he ever did for me
✧  The TRUTH about chronic anxiety (it’s not chronic)
✧  The exact steps I took to fully heal my chronic anxiety
✧  The mindset shift I made that unlocked my path to healing
✧  The #1 spiritual practice I use to eliminate anxiety


🔮 Resources:


🔮 Mentioned in the episode:

5 day anxiety detox

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Full Episode Transcript:

Hi, love and welcome back. So today I am going to share my full journey with anxiety and how I overcame that. And I'm really excited about this because I've never like put all of this into words for people, I've shared bits and pieces of the story but I've never shared it all as one holistic story and I think it's going to really, really help so many of you and I was I don't even remember what my mom and I about the other day but she she's super, super intuitive and really trust her and listen to her listen to her intuition and she were talking about my business and she was like, I just got this feeling that you need to talk about anxiety you need to tell your story.


And I'm like Okay,


all right. That's my next podcast episode. It's done. I'll do it. I'm I trust that you


have received


that message and I meant to share it and so that's kind of really where this episode was born from. But honestly, it's been a long time coming because anxiety was something that controlled my life for so many years and I just had this like constant constant constant 24 seven feeling that something so awful was like on the verge of happening or even just happening like I just felt so terrible and and now, I don't have anxiety. I used to have anxiety 24 seven it and I'm going to go into the story in more detail in a minute. But now I don't I just don't have anxiety


like I used to and


it doesn't mean like I never have any, you know, feelings or symptoms of anxiety. I'm a human. However, it's not debilitating at all. Like I would say I went from having 100 percent anxiety in my life to having now like, one to 2%. And so to me, my anxiety is gone, like one to 2% is nothing, it's gone. And when it used to be 100% of my life, it controlled my life in it. It was awful. And if you're not, if you're struggling with that, if you have anxiety, and it feels like you have no idea what to do, and you have no idea how to get out of it, I've been there and I just want to send out my heart and energy to you and this episode is for you. And I really hope that this impacts you in some way because trust me, if I can get past it, you can too.




I don't really remember exactly when anxiety started for me. I think it was really in high school and I just remember, you know, feeling like most of my friends in high school were not like stressed out, they were like having fun and like going to parties and like stuff like that. And I was just like, stressed out all the time. And like, everything felt too serious and so intense and so much like a struggle. And I just remember like, even at like school, my brain would be moving like a million miles, never a million miles an hour, and I could never keep up and it was exhausting. And so that's in a nutshell, like kind of how it started coming into my life in high school, and then in college, I went out drinking all the time. So that really masked it. So I didn't feel it as much in college because I was burying it and masking it with drinking and just being busy all the time and things like that. And so that's kind of like the college in a nutshell. I don't want to like tell too many details about the high school and college part of this story. This episode could be like 20 hours long, but I'm gonna, like, get to the main points. So really when it got the worst was when after college, I went to the University of Florida By the way, it was amazing. I loved it, I had the most amazing experience and just like grew so much, and I feel like that journey of like, just like drinking and partying and like doing that thing, and like I did really well in school too. I was just like, a highly functioning like partier.


Um, but anyways, so


I forgot what I was saying, Oh, I loved it. It was great. I learned so much. And I think I was meant to have that experience and that journey in college, to lead me to the experiences I had afterwards and to lead me to the life I'm living now. Like I always believed that we're having the experiences that we're meant to have.


So anyways,


it got worse. After college, I moved to Atlanta and I lived by myself for actually it wasn't the first time it was the second time I had lived by myself for one Summer before, um, and then I lived by myself now like in the real world moving my first time moving away from home, living in my own apartment. And that's when things started getting a lot worse. And I don't know if it's, you know if it was because like, I moved to the real world and I like triggered my anxiety like, I don't know, and I don't need to know like, that's one thing I believe about anxiety is that like, believing that you need to get to the root cause and, you know, figure out why, why why, like that keeps you stuck in anxiety and gives you more anxiety. At least that's my experience. Whenever I'm like, Oh, I need to figure out exactly when my anxiety started and why I was triggered like, that just makes me more anxious, like you don't need to know in order to move forward and let go.


So anyways,


it ramped up at that time. I don't need to know why. And I was an actuary at the time. And if you don't know what that is, I'm happy for you. You don't need to know. But basically it's like, oh my gosh, I don't even know how to put into words. Like a crazy mathematician you know, like accountants deal with money like in the past. actuaries predict like monetary value and things in the future. So basically what I did for my job was like, set the premium rates for different Medicaid state plans, and based by predicting all the different like health costs and all these crazy crazy things, so I was an actuary and I had to you know, I chose to be an X ray didn't have to nobody made me do it. So anyways, I was an actuary and I, in order to become a certified actuary, you need to take all these different exams so I was taking all these really really hard exams and I always did well in school like I always identify like I'm I'm really smart like I always like had that belief and me, which was great. But these exams like rocked my world, because I went through high school in college believing like, I was so smart, I always got good grades. And then I got to these


exams and they were so,


so difficult, like I would study for I mean, like six to eight months and still barely pass or fail. The very first one, I was like, Oh, I'm gonna like study for two weeks, and it's fine. I'd study for two weeks and I got like a one out of 10. Like, totally failed the exam. And I was like, Oh, shit. So that's like how that just tells you like how intense and hard they were. So at the time, I was like taking exams, I was working a full time job as an actuarial analyst. I would wake up at like, 4am study for several hours, go to work, work for like 12 hours, come home, not be able to sleep and then like, do it again. And so I think, you know, obviously that was not a healthy situation for my mind, body, or spirit and my anxiety just started getting so much worse than I put so much pressure on myself about these exams and so much pressure on myself about my job and I had so much anxiety about my safety for the first time living alone in an apartment like I was so anxious. When I had to stay in my apartment alone when my boyfriend wasn't there with me. I was a wreck, like severely anxious, I would like cry for hours and it was a nightmare, and I was anxious about my job. I was anxious about food and what I was eating, and I'll talk a little bit more about that later. I was literally anxious about everything, anything and everything that you could think of. And I like it was so bad that I started having crazy like physical symptoms to like I would have like a really, really, really fast racing heart, a hard time catching my breath, I would have panic attacks I had eczema on my head, which eczema can be like triggered by anxiety and stress and so like I had eczema on my Like scalp and it was so itchy and so uncomfortable.


And I like


just felt like honestly, a zombie like I was just like barely making it through each moment. And I only slept like two hours a night because I couldn't fall asleep like I would be so exhausted and then I would lay down and it was like my brain and body were like yeah, but you ain't going to sleep like we're staying up all night and you know filling your brain with like crazy thoughts about you me not being able to sleep and your your exam and your work and this and that and all these crazy things. So I wasn't sleeping. I was only sleeping like two hours a night and then I was a zombie in the day then I would do it again. And it was just such a like terrible cycle that I like honey. I really can't even almost like believe how I


how I lived that way.


I just like it's so so crazy


looking back at that, and


it went on like this for a few years and, you know, they're one of the physical anxiety symptoms I would have. And this one's kind of weird, but I wanted to share it because if anyone else has experienced this, I just want you to know that you're not alone. It's okay. And it's normal and it can get better. So I had this experience where like, I had to pee 24 seven like I would go pee like 200 times a day, because I didn't know what was wrong with me like I went to like,


special like


doctors. I'm like, What the heck is wrong with my bladder


like somebody fix me?




I later learned that it can be a symptom of anxiety and I ended up meeting someone. I went to a wedding and Columbia for one of Trevor's old work friends and his dad and I got into this like amazing connection about you. know our journeys with like mental health stuff. And I feel like the universe really brought us together and it was so crazy. I had never heard anyone else in my life. Say that they had that problem. And he was he said that he had the exact same problem that he like, had to go pee 24 seven. And it was just like, wow, like, I'm not the only one who has had experiences. So I know it sounds kind of weird, but it's not it's not weird. Like it's a normal reaction from your body to when you have anxiety to have that sensation. Like I don't know why I'm not a doctor. But that's like another one of the things I was experiencing. So it was it was awful. If you cannot tell by all the things I've already told you. And you know, it went on like that for a few years and like I don't need to go like too much more into the details. Like, if you've ever experienced anxiety like this, you get it. And if you haven't, I'm so glad and I'm so glad that You don't get it. And a funny thing is that like my boyfriend really couldn't understand he couldn't understand it. He never experienced something like that. And for a while I would be, you know, so resentful and frustrating of him. Like, why can't you just understand that like, I can't change this, I can't fix this. He would say like, pick and choose your bottles. I'm like, using I'm choosing this bottle, like, Are you kidding me? And now now looking back, like I do feel like now in my life, it is a choice, but at that time being in it, it doesn't feel like a choice. It feels like there is no other option. It feels like you're so stuck. And so I completely get that. And so, you know, my boyfriend was really struggling too, because it was affecting our relationship. Like


one year we went to Asheville for


New Year's,


and it was supposed to be a great New Year's trip together and we're supposed to celebrate


We were at dinner


like I think it was like nine o'clock at night and I was just having like, severe anxiety and I could barely breathe it and I just like couldn't I couldn't go into a bar after dinner, which is what we're going to do and just like have some drinks and celebrate New Year's like normal people, quote normal, there's no such thing as normal. But I felt like that wasn't available to me. I really felt like I couldn't do it. I felt like I was gonna like, die and stop breathing if I didn't like get home and lay down and that's that's how it really felt to me. And so he was really upset because here we were, you know, supposed to be celebrating us and celebrating the new year and I'm like, oh, before before midnight, I have to go home and like lay down and like ruin the night and so there were so many times like that where I would Yeah, I would ruin I would ruin the night I would ruin the day I would ruin his good vibes with you. He's so like, has such a like a level like high vibe chill mood and I was just constantly bringing him down, bringing him down bringing him down and not that I was doing that intentionally but it was affecting, you know, everything in my life and so that he couldn't understand why I needed to go home. He's like, why can't you just, you know, like, in his eyes, he was like, oh, like get your shit together like it's New Year's Come on.


And I was I just felt like


I can't and obviously now I know I can write. I felt like I couldn't. And so so many different things like that. went on, like different times, we'd be going out to dinner. I was like, I just can't go, I can't go I have to stay home and I always wanted to just stay home and avoid situations that might give me anxiety and I just never wanted to go anywhere. And he's so fun and adventurous. So he just couldn't understand it was really causing issues. In our relationship and there, you know, I knew it was really hard because like, he didn't understand which like looking back now I'm like, I'm so glad that he doesn't understand I would never wish it upon anyone to understand what this feels like. And, you know, I knew, I always knew logically that, you know, it's okay. Like, there's no real need for me to have anxiety. There's nothing actually real to be anxious about. I knew logically, you know, consciously that nothing was wrong and that there was no need for me to have the anxiety yet, yet. I did. I couldn't explain it. I didn't know why. And it was so hard for me to articulate that to him and he couldn't understand. He's like, why are you? Why are you feeling this way? Like, what's wrong? What happened? I'd be like, I can't explain it. There's nothing that's wrong. I know. There's nothing to be anxious or sad about yet. I am. And that was just the state of, you know, energy. I was in All the time. And so he basically had a conversation one time that I remember really vividly and he was just kind of like voicing his like truth to me of like, I don't know, if I'm going to be able to deal with this forever, like, you know, because my anxiety was affecting him so much. And that was a real Rude Awakening. Because, you know, part of me was, you know, still in the victim mentality of like, well, you think I want to like deal with this forever, like, I don't want this, you know, but then another part of me was like, I get it. I don't want you to have to do I love you and I don't want you to have to deal with this, either. And I don't want to have to deal with this and I do want to get better. I really want to get better and I'm really going to try and so that was like a really big turning point where I was like, I've I'm done with this shit like, I got it. Get my shit together, like I'm gonna lose the person I love. Because I can't get my anxiety under control. And that's how, that's how I felt. I felt like it was something that was out of my control and I couldn't possibly change or fix.


So I want to talk to you guys, that was like the holster that I was, that was like making me like really sad looking about that. So but I didn't bring this down too much, but I'm about to lift this back up, so don't worry.


So here's


what I did in order to really break free from my anxiety and it's not like oh, like, you know, one week I decided to do these things.


And then it was fun. It was


it was a journey and it's really a constant. It's a constant practice and it's a constant choice. So just know that like, if you've been, you know, working on healing your anxiety for a while, it doesn't mean you're bad or wrong or it's never going to go away. It will and trust trust the process, trust the journey keep keep moving forward. And so these are some of the things that I did. And there's a lot of different things because like I said, it wasn't like an overnight thing. And so, you know, I was constantly experimenting and trying different things. And


I'm just going to share all of them.


You know, part of me was like, Oh, I should just share like, the three things to keep it really simple but like, no, like, this is this was my story. This is my truth. So I'm going to share it all. And you can pick and choose and take the things that vibe with you that feel good for you that maybe you want to try in your life and there's if there's anything where you're like, Nope, that's doesn't speak to me then great, don't it doesn't speak to you. This is just my experience and the things that have really made an impact for me, and I mean, oh my gosh, like I can't even like say in words how my life has changed now having anxiety all the time anymore, like it's incredible. My relationship with Trevor is so much better. And I think he would attest to that. So hey, Trevor, if you're listening, um, and my relationship with my family and friends is better, and I have so much more fun and I'm, you know, I have like the mental space and capacity to like live my purpose, I was able to, like start my dream business and really deeply impact other people through anxiety and through other things I've been through. So it's, it's amazing. And I want that for you too. And it's something that you can have. So the first real thing I did was, I made the commitment that I wasn't going to live like this any longer. I was I was done. I'm like, I literally, I would I remember I would look look forward on my life and be like, okay, like, this is it this is my life. I'm going to be with this anxiety forever, like,


fuck this, like, this is it like,


and I would think about like, Oh my god, like, I'm going to be like, 30 something years old and I'm gonna have kids and like, if This is still how I feel then like how the hell am I ever going to do it? Like, can I even can I even do this live like this?


Like, I don't know, I was like, this is like,


I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can bear to have this feeling and experience forever and I really thought it was gonna be forever. So that was the first thing I did is make the commandment that no, I'm not going to live like this any longer. And I started experimenting and opening my mind to anything and everything that might help and I literally just surrendered to the process. And I was like, I'm done like universe, God, whoever's out there, like, show me what I need. Bring me the next step. And at the time when this journey started, I really wasn't like into spirituality. And I don't think I would have put those words to it back then. But that was like the essence of what was going on in my energy, if that makes sense. And I started questioning all of my thoughts. Like that our thoughts are not us. We are not them. They're just thoughts. And we are separate from them just like we're separate from our anxiety. And so I started just questioning everything that came into my brain like, Is that real? Is that true? And really started to, you know, see my thoughts and see my anxiety from this place of like observation and neutrality, rather than from this place of like, Oh, I have to get rid of these thoughts. I have to get rid of these anxiety, like things like that. And so I also started getting really, really into personal development and reading books about the mind and the body. And so I think I was I said this before, but Joe dispenza wrote this book called You are the placebo. And that book was so beyond transformational for me because he really showed me and proved scientifically, that I didn't have to have anxiety forever. So I stopped telling myself that story. It's fucking bullshit. I don't care what anyone else says. Like this might be controversial and I literally don't care because believing that anxiety, something you have forever, whatever mental health you're struggling with,


believing that it's something you have forever,


is not going to support you. whether it's true or not, it doesn't empower you, it doesn't support you, it doesn't help you. That's my belief, you can obviously choose to believe whatever you want. And that book really helped me sees and typically that like, Oh my gosh, like, there's so many examples of people in the book, who through meditation, which I'm going to talk more about later, completely rewired their brains and change their you know, the chemistry in their body. And he you know, showed so scientifically that our, our thoughts and our state of being and getting into meditation really can change our brain and the chemicals in our body can change and the chemicals in our brain can change and how we feel can change in the way we experience can change and especially the way that he teaches that is through meditation. And, you know, I thought like so many people have told me throughout my life like, Oh, you know, once you have if you have anxiety like you just have anxiety like that's the way it is. And same thing in high school, I had an eating disorder like, you know, people on Instagram are like, Oh, yeah, you know, you never felt you're never fully recovered. Like you have to be careful. That's bullshit. I'm fully recovered. I'm fully recovered from anxiety. I'm fully recovered from my eating disorder. And that is the worst story you can ever tell yourself that I'll be stuck with this forever. I'll never get over this. It's not true. So let that shit go. And that book you are the placebo really helped show me through and give me the belief that like, Oh my goodness, like, the mind body connection is real. And I have the power to change and transform my anxiety and I'm going to do it. And so we got really, really committed to it and Let go of that story that, you know, anxiety was part of me and it was just who I was and that I would be with me forever. And that really, really started


to shift things. And


another book that I remember being really powerful at the time was a book called when things fall apart by Pema chodron. So highly recommend that one too. And, you know, there were just other small things I started doing like I started




asking myself better


questions really actively choosing my thoughts, and even though like, you know, I got it when you're anxiety, it's so hard to choose your thoughts. You're probably like, yeah, Madison, like, you know, easy for you to say it doesn't feel like a choice for me and it didn't for me to but just open your mind to the possibility of that choice and start there. Um,


so I would ask myself, like,


would I rather feel this way? Or would I rather be free and in honor of my answers, I would rather be free and something about that question and saying I'd rather be free like, would cause like this powerful, subtle, like energetic shift in me and I would start to feel more


free. And


I also to like stopped being scared of anxiety and stopped believing it was bad and I just tried to let it be and I told myself every time that I felt anxious that it meant it was leaving me and that my body was releasing it. So instead of being like, Oh my god, I'm having anxiety like kosha like, how long is this gonna last? Like, how long am I gonna have this reason hearts is terrible. I need to get rid of this instead of that story. I started telling myself like, Okay, this is this is okay. It is safe for me to feel this. This, you know, anxiety is harmless. And


this is just my body releasing


what's no longer serving me and that's a good thing. And I trust that that's what's happening. So that was kind of the first In a very long way of making that commitment that I was done and letting go of the idea that you're going to have this forever because you don't have to. Okay, so the second thing is that I got support, I hired a coach to help me retrain my thinking and, you know, coaches are amazing. Like, I'm a coach myself, and I've I've had coaches and probably will I just see myself having coaches for ever for the rest of my life. Because I think it's such a powerful way to uplevel your life and step into a better version of yourself, not because you're not good enough as you are, but to expand your life and to see what's possible for you and just really grow and evolve as a person. I really believe that's what we're here for is to grow and to evolve and to learn and to


step into


a better version of ourselves every day and so I got that support, I hired a coach who really helped me see the blind spots in my thinking that I wasn't able to see for myself. And she just even just being able to have someone listen was so powerful and being able to get get all these thoughts out of my brain and to know that I wasn't crazy or totally abnormal for having these thoughts and that it was normal and that it was impermanent. And so we did a lot of work on retraining my thinking and retraining my energy. So, I mean, yeah, hiring a coach was something that was so powerful for me and I had tried therapy a few times in the past and it reversed for me, I don't know if I just didn't find the right person to vibe with like, I know that there's amazing therapists out there, but I don't know something. You know, the few therapists I found like weren't the ones for me and I ended up finding my life coach through a friend and you know, I mean, she was really transformed my life. And I think like hiring a coach is the very best investment you could ever make in yourself. And I'm just going to continue to do it over and over again. I just think it's so amazing. Um, okay, so the third thing I did was, I healed my relationship with food. So I kind of left this part of the story out because it's like a whole nother story, but basically throughout all of this, like I also had a really tumultuous relationship with food. I was anxious about food all the time. Should I eat this? Should I eat that? Oh my god, I shouldn't be in that 90 to go workout to burn this off and like, what ingredients are in that how many calories are in that and like, you know, like, Oh, I can't eat that because it's bad for me and like, you know, this whole like good versus bad mentality around food and I was so consumed with in so anxious by it and so I'm not going to share that story here. Because this story is not about food. This is about my anxiety journey. But long story short, I went on this mission to really transform and heal my relationship with food and What I ended up discovering was like really how to rewire my brain for food freedom. And I completely did rewire it and ended up becoming a health coach because I was so inspired by it. And I was like, I need every woman in the world to know what I've done because it totally changed my life. And so that was actually the firt one of the first iterations of my business, it started as a food blog. And then I did health coaching and helped other women like heal their relationships with food and rewire their brains for food freedom to that so they could like, you know, turn off that constant food, mental chatter and just like get back their mental space and energy to focus on the things they really care about. And so I created a, you know, eight week program that's actually still available. It's called the subtle art of food freedom. I'm still so beyond proud of that program, and it's like, it's literally the best thing ever and if you struggle with food, like I admire I can probably a little biased because it's my program but like, you, you need it like and I'm not saying like you have to do it right. Like I'm not saying you have to go by my program like you don't like go seek the support and the ways that feel best for you. However, like if you if what I've been saying, like was speaking to you, if it's something you've been struggling with, like, just check into it and you know, see if it's something that speaks to you, because I've helped so many women through that program. And, you know, at first I was like, I know this worked for me, but like, I don't know if this is gonna work for other people. I don't know. But I knew I had to try. And I was so amazed at how every single woman who went through the program experienced them massive, massive, massive changes in transformation. That I did too And yeah, so I made it my purpose at that time to really help as many women as I could do the same thing. So


that was one of the things


that was really really powerful for me because you know, a lot of things Anxiety I was having was centered around food. And you know, I don't think it's it was never really about the food right like it was, you know, just something that my brain could focus on like controlling and you know feeling anxious about because I was in that habit and pattern. Okay so the fourth thing that I believe really helped me and take this with a grain of salt like I'm not a doctor, I'm not advising you to take any supplements. This is in no way medical advice. I'm just sharing my experience with you and please, please please consult with your doctor before making any changes to your food medicine supplements, whatever it is. But anyways, I do want to share this because it was a piece of my journey. And I don't know if these things were necessary, right? Like there's so many things and I can't say like this was the you know, one thing that you know, fixed All my anxiety like I don't know that so anyways there were you know three things that I did that with my I guess like like supplements and I guess like eating patterns well drinking patterns because it relates to coffee anyways. So I took magnesium at night to help me sleep and to help with anxiety and to help relax my body and then in the morning I would take ashwagandha which is an adaptogen also kind of the same purpose for releasing like stress and lowering cortisol levels. And all of these were, you know, recommendations I have from my doctors, I worked with a doctor on this I didn't just like randomly start like taking these things and I don't recommend that you do that either. do your own research, speak to your own doctors and you know, see what works for you. And I also gave up coffee which was really hard for me because at the time I was drinking like three coffees a day and I will Loved coffee. I'd loved it. I loved the taste. Oh my gosh. So what's the smell like? I loved the whole experience. But in my heart and my intuition, I knew it wasn't serving me and I had this like gut feeling that it was contributing to my anxiety. So I was willing to completely give it up. And I did and I switched to drinking macho, which has some caffeine just not as much. And so I stopped drinking coffee for like two years, which is like, I like can't even believe I was able to do that. But I did I was I was desperate to feel better. And so I was willing to try anything and now it's really cool because I've the last couple months, I've started reintroducing coffee back into my life, and now I can I can tolerate it, I can feel good on it. It doesn't have to make me anxious anymore. And it's really, really cool how I've come so far and I'm now able to do that and especially when we travel, drink coffee. Little bit more. Just because I'm not working there's, you know, a little bit less that could make me like jittery. And, you know, it's an experience when you travel. And it's also like marches not as accessible traveling depending on where I go. So when we went to Columbia, I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm not going to miss out on the experience of drinking Colombian coffee, because it's Colombian coffee. And so I drink coffee, and I was there. And this morning, we were out of like, almond milk to make my matcha lattes. So and I was about to go to Publix. And I was like, wait, I could just, I could just drink a coffee like, it's fine. My body will take care of me. I know I can handle it. And so I let go of that story that like, coffee gives me anxiety because for a while I was


after I like gave it up and realized that it


did make an impact on me. I was scared to reintroduce it and I was like terrified of coffee and like coffee gives me anxiety. And so I've really been letting go of that story. That coffee gives me anxiety and now I'm able to drink it and it doesn't. So those are Um, three little things that I did but yeah, talk to your talk to your doctor and just see like, if there's anything else I can support you But to be honest, like I think that you know, you don't have to go on like supplements or change what you're eating or any of that stuff in order to heal your anxiety like there's so many different you know, things that you can do and so do an experiment with the things that speak to you and that feel the best for you. Okay, I have two more things that I did so the fifth thing is that I started to let having anxiety be okay like I just stopped viewing it as a bad thing and I let


I started to let


in that polarity of like, what if anxiety is not bad? What if I What if I can have it? What if it's safe? What if it's harmless? What if it isn't a bad thing? What if I don't need that to actively get rid of it like what if my body is already taking care of me? What if I'm actually okay what if I am not going to be stuck with this forever? What if I'm going to be free from it soon and what if I can feel better right now and what if I could let it go and so I just, you know, stop trying to control it and get rid of it and just let go and you know, kind of like me made peace with it and allowed it and and accepted it and at the same time trusted that I could let it go. So it was this like, balance of this like paradox of like allowing in and welcoming it and feeling you know, choosing to believe that it was safe for me to experience it and then also


giving myself permission to let it go


welcoming in letting it go welcoming and then letting it go and that like permission and like flow between those two like polarities of like the resistance versus letting it go was like really, really powerful because a lot of times we have when we Resist something, it persists, right? And when we like cling to something that we want so badly we like repel it away. And so


letting yourself have both


sides of this paradox letting both sides be okay, is the very thing that allows it to release and I actually have a whole meditation on kind of like to walk you through this on allowing this like polarity and moving back and forth between these two energies and letting both of them be okay. That meditation is in my five day anxiety detox and I'll talk a little bit more about that in a few minutes if that's something that speaks to you. Okay, and then the last thing which is the most special one to me, because again, like I don't know, I can't tell you which of these things was the thing that made the difference, right, every step forward, I took counted and even every step backward, I took counted because I was learning and growing and there really is no such thing as backwards but the last thing is that I started to develop a spiritual practice and spiritual rituals and a morning practice and morning rituals. And this was actually something that kind of started coming up as I healed my relationship with food like for some reason for me that was that became a spiritual journey like it unlocked this like obsession and love for personal


growth for me it unlocked this


availability to connect with my intuition and unlocked


my like spirituality as a human isn't so I started getting more into that and really believing that there was a greater power guiding me towards healing and really trusting that and at night before but I would, you know, tell my subconscious mind or ask the universe like you know, I ask that you guide me to healing show me Show me the answers I need to know show me what I need in order to heal. And I would


trust that the


those answers were coming and that they're already on their way to me. And really getting into gratitude and I know, you know, it's like a cheesy thing. Everyone's like, Oh my gosh, be grateful, like we're on like Instagram and stuff, but it actually is something that's, you know, really impacted my life. And you know, one thing that I started doing was a gratitude rampage. Because when you're in the gratitude, energy of gratitude, you're in the energy of presence. And when you're in the energy of gratitude and presence, you're here now when everything's okay, like right now, in this moment, as you're listening to this podcast, like, You're okay, the only reason like things feel not okay, so when you start letting your mind and your thoughts go into the future, and so gratitude can really help keep you right here in the present. And it's such a high vibrational energy that I really Can transmute and overshadow any like lower vibration energies like anxiety and fear and things like that. So one thing I started doing was a gratitude rampage where basically you you can just like look around your room and you just start like, or even just like thinking about things you're like little things you're grateful for like I'm so grateful for this glass of water. I'm so grateful for this podcast equipment. I'm so grateful to be in my sister's house right now with the windows overlooking the lake. I'm so grateful for my necklace I'm wearing I'm playing with right now. I'm so grateful for plants and how the earth lets them grow. I'm so grateful for the air conditioning because it's hot outside and I get to feel cool. I'm so grateful for the book on my dresser that I'm reading right now and just like letting yourself like, spiral into gratitude The same way that you can spiral into anxiety you can spiral upwards and upwards and to higher energies and frequencies through gratitude and get more and more into that the more you do this rampage. So he kind of go on and on and on until you start feeling your energy shift. And as you start feeling your energy shift, if you really want to like take this to the next level, you can start adding on things that haven't yet happened or that you don't yet have that you're grateful for and expressing gratitude for the good things to come. Because when you're grateful for the good things to come, you not only attract those good things to come, but you're you're focusing your energy on believing that good things are coming rather than believing and feeling that doom and gloom and terror is coming like I used to feel.


Um, and then another


practice I started really just like getting, shifting the way I operated in the morning like I used to Wake up, make sprint, sprint to my coffeemaker make coffee and immediately sit down and like dive into work or productive or doing something and there was literally no space for me to like take care of myself and like process like things within myself that needed processing. And so I really consciously created that space in the morning and now every morning I give to myself and focus on myself before doing anything else. So every single morning I journal and give myself that time I'll usually do a workout or some type of movement, maybe a meditation, it kind of changes because I mean, freedom is my number one value so I'm not I you know, my non negotiables in the morning is journaling, like that's my non negotiable and then you know other like things as my morning routine. just you know, add them on freely do what I feel like trust my intuition rather than being like, I have to do like this and this and this like, that doesn't like work for me. Um, and then one of the other things as part of like, my spiritual practice that I started doing regularly was meditation and of all the, you know, things I did to heal my anxiety like I shouldn't I don't even want to say my anxiety because it's not mine. It wasn't me, you know. So all the things I did to heal the anxiety I experienced meditation was I mean, gosh is such a such a powerful one. And it you know, especially after reading your the placebo and reading about how like meditation literally rewires your brain and changes the chemicals in your brain and in your body. I was like, yeah, Hi, I'm gonna try this, like, I'm going to do it and I got more and more into it over time and it's been something that's been like so, so powerful for me in my life and it allowed me to make space to allow my anxiety and allowed me to become more okay with whatever was in this moment and, you know, letting go like helps me let go of that feeling of like I needed to change or fix get rid of the anxiety and instead allowed me to like accept it and welcome it and be a piece of that and be okay with it. And that very energy of accepting and allowing it is, is what allows it to dissolve. And so these are all the things that have I mean, massively massively changed my life. And so I hope this episode helps you to if anxiety something you're going through something you've been through.


I just want you to know that


you're seeing I hear you, I get it. And I just hope this helps you and I'm sending you good energy and just know that you're not stuck with it forever. It's possible for you to heal. And, you know, what if what if you were already healing? What if everything you needed in order to heal, your anxiety was already on its way to you. But if that was what's happening, and so trust your intuition, like you don't need to know how to fully heal your anxiety in this moment, like thought she's gonna give you more anxiety. But can you take one step forward every day and just let yourself be guided and trust that the healing is already on its way to you. And so there's something that I have created that I am really, really excited to share with you guys if this. If my story resonated with you at all, this is going to really, really help you so I'm doing a five day Anxiety detox coming up, you can sign up at magnetically you calm slash anxiety detox. But basically, what it's going to be is five days of guided meditations to help you release anxiety and fear and really step into this energy of peace, calm and trust. And I'm going to be guiding you every step of the way. So there's no need to overthink it or if you're doing it right, you know, waste time googling meditations on the internet and trying to decide which one all you have to do is show up and I'm going to take care of the rest. So by the end of this five day anxiety, D toxic, you're going to feel so amazing, so calm, so much more centered and religious, empowered to continue stepping into the best version of yourself. And this really isn't just about meditation, like this is a five day commitment allowing you to make meditation and daily practice. Because when you do that, like you will see massive changes in your life and the habit of feeling calm and at peace and centered will become stronger than the habit of anxiety and fear. That's all it is, it's a habit and it can be rewired and it can be changed. And meditation is one of the fastest, most effective ways to break that habit of anxiety and make the habit of feeling good, so much stronger. And you're also going to be part of a Facebook group part of a community to hold you accountable and support you. And you know, each day is going to be you know, specifically tailored and structured in a way to really start rewiring that that programming and allowing you to feel cert feeling good every day and allowing you to learn how to shift your energy quickly from an anxious low vibe state into a higher vibe. State and really just opening up you're opening up this space for more mental freedom and calming your nervous system and just releasing that negative energy from your mind and your body and your soul. And, you know, there's, I mean, there's so many benefits of this meditation series, I could go on and on, like, it can help you with your energy more better sleep, you're definitely gonna release anxiety and stress and it can help lower your blood pressure, improve your memory, like, there's just so many amazing, amazing benefits. And I actually just recorded the five meditations for you yesterday, and they're so so good, and I cannot wait to share them with you, it's gonna be really, really, really powerful. And if you've been in the state of anxiety, and you feel like you just can't turn it off, you can't turn off the constant mental chatter, then this is for you. And it's gonna, I mean, it's gonna completely change the way you feel in just five days and just a few minutes a day, and I'm like, I'm really, really excited about it. I would love to have you and the best news of all is that it's only $11. So you know, each of the five days is when you break it down. It's You know, literally just over $2 for each day, and you know, the reason it's only $11 is because, I mean, you just heard my anxiety story like, I've been in it like deeply deeply in it and I don't want you to have to suffer longer than you need to as long as as long as I did. So it's only $11 because I want as many of you as possible who are suffering to be able to get access to the support and to this healing so yeah, if you're ready to say like, fuck you too anxiety and let go of that and be done with that and like move the heck on and really step into feeling good and feeling calm. This is for you and I cannot wait to see you in the group. So, just go if you want to join us,


go to magnetically slash exit detox and I'll see you in the group and I would love to hear from you if you have a story if my story speaks to you at all I'd love to talk to you about it I love to connect with you know other people who have gone through something similar and something similar just so we can let each other know like we're not alone. So let me know if this speaks to you message me on Instagram at magnetically you. I'd love to just hear what resonated with you and hear how this helped you and hear which of these things you're maybe going to try and implementing into your life. So that's all for today. I am sending you so much love and peace and strength on this journey and I will talk to you next week.

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